What an interesting question!
It's probably because they communicate. They communicate openly and honestly about what they want. And they understand each other. They have an agreement to a specific lifestyle, they are open and honest about it, and they show integrity, and honor their word.
A lot of times, we in relationships don't always say authentically what we want, or say what we mean, making hints or being passive-aggressive. That does not get us what we want. The first step in communication is being open and honest with your partner, and the more authentic you are, the more authentic your partner will be.
If you are in a relationship where you are communicating openly and honestly in a compassionate way, and you just can't seem to come to an agreement on anything, then the relationship may not be a fit. But you are not going to know that unless you are communicating openly and honestly.
Sometimes we can be manipulative, condescending, or controlling in our conversations. When someone wants to connect with you, they want to know that they are accepted and loved. Even if you are being straight with them, you can do it in a loving way.
Another thing is inserting and including fun and adventure in your relationship, being open to try new things. And both of you need to be open and willing to do that. Of course, if it's outside of a person's values, that needs to be respected. Make a list of the things that you want to do and have your partner do the same. Compare the lists, and see if there is a compromise that you can come to, to try the things on the lists and really just be fun. Sometimes you don't have to do fun, but you can just be fun in whatever you do. And be adventurous, so that when you are open to trying new things, that brings a sense of adventure into the relationship, which can actually be both attractive and romantic.
You don't have to be a swinger to do all of that. To bring fun, adventure, to communicate with passion, and to be open and honest about what it is that you want. When you open your heart to someone else, they are more likely to open their heart to you, and then you can create whatever you want in the relationship. The fun, the compassion, the love, the connection, the partnership, and that is what brings a healthy dynamic to a relationship.
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